I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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