I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
