The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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