He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
