I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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