Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
