Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
