he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
