who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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