I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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