if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
