Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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