he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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