bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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