babies were throwing up all over the place
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
