I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize