We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize