he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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