so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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