Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
