i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i will never coherently bang her
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
