Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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