Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
