Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
