so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm like, not good at living.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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