I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize