i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
