dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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