just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
