I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
