Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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