Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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