where am i from again
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
