I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
