A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize