he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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