i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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