My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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