a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
