they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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