I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
