No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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