i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
