fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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