what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
