She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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