I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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