so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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