Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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