Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
FUCK WHALES
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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