Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Randomize
