The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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