I think I won the penis lottery.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
