Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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