Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
