I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
