Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
