you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
