boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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