there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
