Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
