I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
