i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
