If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
