I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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