dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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