Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
