He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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