..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
