Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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