oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
