I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
