I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
