he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
