Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
